Grade my Philosphy Assaignment

We have to do a creative project for Philosophy so I wrote a play. Let me know what you guys think. I'm also including the brief (unrevised) explanation of my project below.

Curtain draws: Seen on stage is a swinging bachelor pad. There's, a dirty couch in the middle of a living room that has multiple stains from various bodily fluids, and a poster of Bob Marley can be seen in the background. To the right of the stage there is a small kitchen with a fridge in it. There is a large window on the back wall and buildings can be seen outside. There is a door on the left sidewall of the stage. Pyrrho is chilling on the couch like the boss he is. John Locke comes through the door on the left side of the stage.

Locke: Sup bro
Pyrrho: What's crackin' son?
Locke: Nothin' much. Went to class today hung over as fuck, you know how we do.
Pyrrho: Yeah man, that was a SICK party we had here last night. I drank until Medusa looked like Athena
Locke: HA!
(They both high five.)
Locke: It's funny cause you're a heathen. Anyway we still have beer leftover, right?
Pyrrho: Oh hells yeah, the fridge is stocked full with it.
(Locke walks to the fridge and opens it up. He turns around, shocked, and storms back to the living room.)
Locke: THERE'S NO BEER!
(A shout from off stage) WHAT!? (George Berkeley walks on stage)
Berkeley: We're out of Beer?
Locke: Yeah dude the fridge is empty!
Berkeley: How do you know?
Locke: Uh, because I just looked in it.
Berkeley: Are you looking in it now?
Locke: Oh not this shit again!
Berkeley: How do you know the fridge isn't empty simply because you aren't looking in it?
Locke: Because that's not how fucking matter works! Everything exists, everything has primary qualities such as shapes and figures. These qualities are in the objects. So all that beer SHOULD be in there.
Berkeley: Uh huh, and what about taste bro? You wanna try explaining that secondary quality substratum crap again?
Locke: Oh I'm so not dealing with this.
Berkeley: Exactly you kant! That's because in order for things to exist,they have to be perceived, man. Okay? Like, if you're not looking at something, then how do you know it's there? Things have to be perceived in order for them to exist
Locke: I'm not perceiving your bong. But clearly you took way too many hits at some point if that's what you actually think. But fine, go check it yourself.
(Berkeley walks over to the fridge, opens it up, closes it and then walks back into the living room.)
Berkeley: Okay it's definitely not there.
Locke: I know dude.
Berkeley: Dude, someone either drank it or stole it.
Pyrrho: Dude, you can't prove that
Locke: Dude, there's no beer in the fridge, that has to be what happened.
Pyrrho: Dude, you can't assume anything. There's good arguments for and against anything.
Locke: Dude, we had beer before, you even said so yourself!
Pyrrho: Dude, we can't even prove beer even exists!
Locke: What the hell are you on?
Pyrrho: Dude, you can't even prove there is an on!
(There is a long silence) Locke: Okay you just sit there, we have a problem to solve.
(Plato, David Hume and Immanuel Kant walk in through the door)
Kant: Yo dawgs, I heard my name from across the hall. What's going on?
Berkeley: I misspoke before, but guess what? Someone took our beer!
Plato: What?! We threw down for it too! That's some bullshit! Who took it?
Pyrrho: We don't know.
Locke: Someone here must have taken it because it's not there now.
Hume: That's not true.
Locke:What's not true? Are you saying that someone didn't take it?
Hume: No I'm saying that your deduction is false. Just because there's no beer in the fridge doesn't mean someone took it. And if someone took it, that's not the reason that it's not there. There is no such thing as cause.
Kant: Yeah there is, maybe it doesn't exist on it's own but our minds create causes in order for us to have have perceptions and experiences.
Hume: Absolutely not. We can't see a cause, we can't observe a cause between event A and B, so it therefore can't exist!
Locke: Hey Dave, see my hand? (Locke holds up his hand). Observe. (Locke smacks Hume in the face) That right there is the cause of your god damn face hurting! Now shut the fuck up!
Berkeley: BUUUUURRRRRN!
Locke: Now can you guys help us figure out who stole the beer?
Plato: Ehh, I don't really care too much.
Locke: Why not?
Plato: I don't care who drank it; it wasn't particularly good beer.
Berkeley: Nah bro it was some pretty swag shit. I loved it.
Plato: Dude, once you've drank what I've drank, you'd know what good beer is. You just haven't had it yet.
Kant: So bring it over then!
Plato: Bro, you can't just drink this. You gotta be ready for this. It's fucking mind blowing. I nearly went blind when I drank it, it's that alcoholic. It's the perfect beer.
Kant: I keep telling you, you can't know that. It can only appear perfect to you.
Plato: Nah brah, you just don't have the mind and soul ready to experience it.
Locke: Well if you don't want to help us find out who took the beer and you seem to have beer yourself, it's looking like you're the one who took it.
Plato: What!? I didn't take it!
Locke: Pyrrho, what do you think?
Pyrrho: Oh hell no I'm not getting into this. I'm suspending judgment.
Berkeley: Let's get Descartes to help.
Hume: We can't, he's meditating.
Locke: Shit, so what do we do?
(Erwin Schrödinger walks in)
Schrödinger: Hey guys! I have this box and in the box is some beer. Now the beer may or may not be flat but-
Locke: Get out of here Schrödinger! You're not covered in Philosophy 110! (Rolls up a news paper and starts hitting Schrödinger, who runs out the door.) Go on, get! Little bugger. Anyways, back to the matter at hand. Who took our beer?
(Friedrich Nietzsche, appears at the window suspended upside down from a cable with a cape, a mask, and poorly drawn Batman logo on his chest.)
Nietzsche: I took it!
(Everyone turns around suddenly)
Plato: But, why?
Nietzsche: God is dead! We must replace our Christian values and find new meaning in life. I became Batman.
Pyrrho: But why did you take our beer?
Nietzsche: Batman does what he wants, when he wants.
(Nietzsche cuts the cable and falls beneath the window's view.)
Locke: Well (long pause), that was unexpected.

The Curtain closes.

This play is mainly meant to serve as a humerous way of how various philosophers through out the ages would discuss their views on reality. Rather than set them in a serious dialouge, I decided to make them argue over missing beer both for humor and to give an example of how their views on reality would be discussed in everyday terms. I made some lines very obvious with the characters each outright stating their beliefes and views. I also added more subtle lines to allude to their thoughts, such as Pyrrho being the one to say “We don't know” and “I'm suspending judgement”. Plato and Kant discuss forms and particulars through whehter or not one could know the ideal form of beer, and Plato saying the missing beer wasn't a good particular. Some lines and plot points were written for the sake of humor or for furthering the story, but all in all, the play should have caputured the philosopher's main ideas on reality and life. Locke is shown to be a logical materialist who believes that objects have primary qualities but cannot explain why objects have secondary qualities; and he balks at the attempt to explain substratum. Pyrrho is shown to be a skeptic who claims we can't know anything and it is best to suspend judgement. Berkeley explains his view that unless an object is being percieved, it can't be proven that the object is there. He challenges Locke's materialism. Plato discusses forms and particulars,and how only the wisest and most intelligent of us can see the true forms of objects. Hume explains his belief that causes do not exist. Lastly, Kant agrees with Plato that there is a difference between what we percive and an objects true form, but he challenges him on the fact that we can never know what the true form is. He also challenges Hume's claim about causes. The exception to the accuracy of the philosophers' claims is of course Nietzsche. While Nietzsche was an existentialist who did believe that God was dead and our Christian values needed to be replaced, he did not want to become Batman....as far as I know.

I don't much care for it, sir.

But I'm not philosophy teacher person, so... you know... good luck. It might work out fine.

Is... there a summary... I actually DON'T have time to read it all. >.<

You sir... Might just make a decent comedic writer...

I approve!

I like it. And that's coming from a psychology professor from the University of Stanford.

Nice.

Thanks for the replies guys. It definitely could have used more work but it was due in 6 hours so i was kinda rushed lol. I get my grade on tuesday.

I got a 100 so fuck all yall

PJsnaks wrote:

I got a 100 so fuck all yall

Told ya it was good...

Callin wrote:

PJsnaks wrote:

I got a 100 so fuck all yall

pic or you lie

I want a sexy pic too... otherwise you still lie...

Oh what's this? It looks like a big ol' bowl of fuck yall

Where's my sexy pic!?

PJsnaks wrote:

I don't find Causa's lack of hygiene sexy you...