The OT Bachelor Pad Season 5: The Return of Retard

It's depressing to see how inactive it has been recently. I mean, everybody is pretty much primarily posting in the never ending thread now and there's not enough people here to make this place really booming. We need to find some way to bring more people here before this place just fades into nothingness...

I know for a fact that a lot of boards out there are thriving because of how many people are there. We just need to get back into the game and pull people here. However, where we obtain these people might matter, because we don't to end up pulling in douches like those at Selkath.

I understand that people are busy these days, but it doesn't seem like they're rarely at their computer anymore. I know most of you are still dicking around with your computer. I don't know how we …

[ Full reading ]

Happy New Year OT! We may be dying... BUT WE'RE STILL HERE! We had an... interesting year last year. Vice Admin Burkman is taking a long earned vacation and Uly is stepping into his position. Well... I'd have more to say but I've got other things to do atm... and oh yeah... to quote Callin... "GET A MIC YA BUM!"

~Scott

SoupWithSauce wrote:

Boba wrote:: I must tell you, these are the most shocking results I've ever witnessed. I'm not exaggerating, nor am I lying. This rose ceremony is going to be tough.

Is everyone voting for someone else?

Without further, ado, I'll reveal the answers.

1. A

2. D

3. A

4. C

5. C

6. D

7. A

So, with that.

Causa, you have won the competition with six correct.

Causa, do you accept your rose?

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I will accept this form of photosynthetic victory.

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THE ROSE CEREMONY

This is it folks. This was the most exciting moment of the series so far, and I am not exaggerating nor am I lying. In dramatic fashion, Causa won the challenge. He was the newcomer, and already had many votes against him. He saved himself from elimination.

Now, the votes were scattered. I received votes for five out of our eight competitors. In fact, we had a tie between Branch, Soup, and Burkman.

We had a runoff tiebreaker. Everyone voted among the three again. And, it was a very close vote. I had to do a tiebreaker quiz with the final two. And only one of them answered correctly.

Remember, Causa received his rose before. Anyways, Causa:

Now, I will begin the rose ceremony.

Grimeth, here is your rose.

Wilbourn, here is your rose.

Banana, here is your rose.

Scott, here is your rose.

Burkman, here is your rose.

That leaves us with Branch and Soup. Who will be leaving Bachelor Pad in our most exciting vote yet? Here we go.

Branch, here is your rose.

Soup, you have been eliminated.

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RIGGED!

RIGGED, I TELL YOU!

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canada ayy lmao

SoupWithSauce wrote:: RIGGED!

RIGGED, I TELL YOU!

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You thinkin' what I'm thinkin' partner? Aim for the bushes... *brofist*

Papa Scott wrote:

SoupWithSauce wrote:: RIGGED!

RIGGED, I TELL YOU!

Erotic...

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canada ayy lmao

SoupWithSauce wrote:: RIGGED!

RIGGED, I TELL YOU!

I asked you that question. Who is Boba's favorite author? a. Dale Brown b. Joel Rosenberg

You chose A, Branch chose B. And I happen to be reading one of Rosenberg's books right now. And he's my favorite author.

_________________
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NEW CHALLENGE UP BY TONIGHT.

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Boba wrote:

SoupWithSauce wrote:: RIGGED!

RIGGED, I TELL YOU!

I asked you that question. Who is Boba's favorite author? a. Dale Brown b. Joel Rosenberg

You chose A, Branch chose B. And I happen to be reading one of Rosenberg's books right now. And he's my favorite author.

Obviously racist towards Canadians...

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canada ayy lmao

BananaGod Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 26

Great... What am I supposed to do with another rose?

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Ban-Anad wrote:: Great... What am I supposed to do with another rose?

eat it.

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canada ayy lmao

The Fabulous Posts : 7917 Join date : 2011-01-27 Age : 20

I wonder if this is a new record for how far Ive gone.....

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The Fabulous Posts : 7917 Join date : 2011-01-27 Age : 20

I may not be active much for a few days.

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Branch wrote:: I may not be active much for a few days.

Why?

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Boba wrote:

Branch wrote:: I may not be active much for a few days.

Why?

He's moving...

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You thinkin' what I'm thinkin' partner? Aim for the bushes... *brofist*

BananaGod Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 26

Papa Scott wrote:

Boba wrote:

Branch wrote:: I may not be active much for a few days.

Why?

He's moving...

ORWMYGERWD! So iz I!

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Ban-Anad wrote:

Papa Scott wrote:

Boba wrote:: Why?

He's moving...

ORWMYGERWD! So iz I!

To whar?

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BananaGod Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 26

Boba wrote:

Ban-Anad wrote:

Papa Scott wrote:: He's moving...

ORWMYGERWD! So iz I!

To whar?

To another flat in London...

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Ban-Anad wrote:

Boba wrote:

Ban-Anad wrote:: ORWMYGERWD! So iz I!

To whar?

To another flat in London...

Oh. I thought it'd be a little more exciting than that.

Like you're moving to Guatemala or Sweden or Bahrain...

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BananaGod Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 26

Boba wrote:

Ban-Anad wrote:

Boba wrote:: To whar?

To another flat in London...

Oh. I thought it'd be a little more exciting than that.

Like you're moving to Guatemala or Sweden or Bahrain...

Well... In that case, I'm sorry to disappoint you...
yeah

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THE THIRD CHALLENGE

I am done with doing objective challenges for this week. Instead, I will score you. I know, I opposed this at first, but here goes.

The first matter of importance: Because Branch will be leaving for 3-4 days while he moves, he will be replaced by SoupWithSauce. If Soup stays in the race long enough, Branch will take his place when he comes back. Basically, Soup will be playing as Branch until Branch comes back. If Soup is eliminated, that means Branch is eliminated. A vote against Soup is a vote against Branch.

Now, the challenge.

You are to write either a short song, poem, or a humorous joke. I will judge you individually.

For a song, how the lyrics flow and what is represented and how much talent and effort shown will be judged.

For a poem, how beautiful or funny it is will be judged.

For a humorous joke, it will be judged on my level of laughter.

Post your jokes here or chat on Steam and tell me it. Winner will receive a rose.

I also need your votes.

You have until Monday afternoon.

_________________
The number one most reliable news source anywhere.

Last edited by Burkman on Sun Jul 29, 2012 8:13 pm; edited 2 times in total

"So there I was, waist deep in vagina, in the swamps at the center Clitania Forest, traveling with my trusty companion Sir Phallus Verpus and his army of Spermaknights. We were on a quest to plant the Seeds of Rebirth into the Eggs of Life. Only then can we bring balance to the Gods above us. It is a perilous journey ahead and we still have yet to travel through the ominous Temple of Cervix to fight the dreaded beasts of Amnion. Only one of us may pass through, but we know that the men we lose have died for a good cause and not in vain."

Then the man looked at his son's confused look and said, "And that, my son, is how you were born."

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BananaGod Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 26

I decided on giving you my view on humanity in the form of a sonnet I wrote a long, long time ago...

My friend,
... So ephemeral the aims of men are still,
... But spare not your dearest mind about
... Their lives ‘so insipid’, tell you, I will.
... For upon ideas of but the strangest sort,
... They compose but of the most quixotic dreams,
... With hopes indelible they will drab,
... Timorous still, their veil often scatters,
... Each and every opportunity they grab.
... Yet the most surprising thing of all,
... Is how they manage to stay so jaunty,
... Even when their shroud has all but fall,
... They do not falter, but look on-- taunting.
Of all creatures of the world, men are most undaunting,
For they hold their hopes dear, and that is most enticing.

Also, just because I feel like it (they're not part of the competition), two haiku verses I wrote:

Night
by *Akutou

Night is approaching
Stars shine bright - bright as rubies
A fullmoon appears.

Dawn
by *Akutou

Dawn comes anew,
Sunrise in the East - Night in the West,
Shadow at the crossroads.

They're called Transition, Night was written in 2009 (when I started my relationship with my ex), Dawn was written on New Years' 2011/12 (when it ended)... So yeah...
Now you know a bit more about me...

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I have no desire to take Branch's place. First person to reply gets his spot.

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canada ayy lmao

Tale O' The Wilbz
By Sir Knight Will Bourne IV of York

Wilbz was born, in the heart of the forest.
Son to a florist, with a gigantic clitoris.
Wilbz, would live, and die by the sword,
and constantly be around wenches that he could afford.

But soon Wilbz, struck a bit of luck.
He met a magical owl, who gave no fucks
It said, "Fear not Wilbz, for you will find love."
Wilbz said "Fuck that." and smacked the owl with his glove.

Wilbz continued in, to the cities of Britain.
Accompanied only, by his two talking kittens.
"Human, this is bullshit why are we here?"
"Shut the fuck up, you bloody queer."

And soon, they arrived, in the city of London.
It smelled of wine, sodomy, and onions.
"This is my kinda place!" Wilbz yelled to the world.
The streets were filled with drugs and 11 year old girls.

Wilbz was greeted by a manly girl at the local pub.
"Oi, 11 copper for a tug, 15 for a rub."
Wilbz looked to his left, then to his right.
And proceeded to his room, for a hell of a night.

Wilbz awoke with a sore anus.
Only to realize, the girl was quite heinous.
He proceeded to sprint out, minus his trousers,
After all that, all he could say was "Wowzers."

Upon the streets, he found a marvelous beauty.
A young lady, with a bitchin' rack, and bouncin' booty.
"Damn girl you worketh that thing like thou gettin' paid."
They went to have sex, and Wilbz got aids.