After reading this short story...

Hank Henry, Assistant Manager

Hank Henry was an ordinary man. He preferred his burgers to be cooked medium well,
he was not particularly fond of spicy or fishy food, and he collected bottle caps that he decided
were interesting. He wrote short stories to mixed reviews from his co-workers at the office he
worked at. Hank had no family and lived alone in a small apartment close to his work. He didn’t
like long commutes, and he didn’t mind always being close to work, so the location was perfect.
Hank was generally satisfied with the life he led.
Hank got home from a typical Tuesday at work and immediately walked to the sink. He
had been thinking about it all day. He looked into the dark void that was the garbage disposal,
and realized what a beautiful piece of machinery it was.
“You know you want to put your hand in me and flip the switch” whispered the garbage
disposal.
“I do, I really do, but without both my hands I will surely get fired from my job!” Hank retorted.
“So?” the garbage disposal replied.
Hank thought it over. He weighed the pros and cons. He called a friend and asked for his
advice. His friend agreed with the garbage disposal. Hank took a giant swig from a bottle of
Listerine, for he rarely had liquor in his home, threw up, and looked at his right hand for the last
time. Hank turned on the garbage disposal and shoved his hand into its awaiting mouth.
The dull teeth of the in-sink-erator grabbed at his flesh and furiously started tearing it
apart. He could hear the delicate bones of his hand snap, but he couldn’t feel a thing. He was
overcome with joy, relief, and a primal satisfaction. He pushed his hand in deeper and deeper.
The blades of the garbage disposal now met with the beginnings of Hank’s radius and ulna and
the tensile strength of the two bones, plus the torque of the garbage disposal forced his elbow to
dislocate. His forearm was now starting to spin freely, and this caused his skin to tear at the
elbow. By pure chance one of the teeth of the garbage disposal caught on his skin and tore it off
of his arm. The garbage disposal could take no more and ground to a halt.
He removed his arm, which was now completely flayed and spurting blood from the
many severed blood vessels. Hank didn’t want to ruin his new shag carpet, so he walked to his
bathroom and laid down in the tub. He looked up at the ceiling and noticed all of the water
damage.

“I’ll surely need to fix that,” he thought to himself.

By now the tub was almost full with all the blood that had spurted out of his body. His
stump was hardly bleeding anymore, so he decided that he could get out of the tub now. Hank
was tired after such an exciting day, so he decided to go to bed.

When he woke up the next day, he took a shower, put on fresh clothes, and went to work.
Immediately after seeing his missing hand, his boss took him aside and told him that he would
have to be let go because of his missing hand. Even though he knew beforehand that this would
be the consequence of losing his hand, Hank became enraged and tackled his boss. Hank sat on the boss’ chest and put the one thumb that was good on one of his eyes. He pressed down with increasing pressure until he felt the eye pop and the intraocular fluid started to flow. Hank ran to his car and promptly drove home.

Later that day he put out an ad on Craigslist looking for a job for a person with one hand.

No one has given him any offers.

I threw up in my mouth.

tl:dr

tl;dr

I got to the part where he puts his hand in...Got too gross from there.

Mew wrote:

short and sweet, in other words

TheMortonator. wrote:

After reading this I actually did yawn in real life. Your typical second rate little internet horror.

I yawned by looking at it.

You guys messed it up...

tl;dr

For those who think this is tl;dr it's an attempt to gross you out with some story of a guy ripping his arm off in garbage disposal. Nothing nasty or gory about it, move along.

Mew wrote:

My point of view summarised in an image.