I present to you the Off-Topics NSFW funny pic thread(without the pron)

It's depressing to see how inactive it has been recently. I mean, everybody is pretty much primarily posting in the never ending thread now and there's not enough people here to make this place really booming. We need to find some way to bring more people here before this place just fades into nothingness...

I know for a fact that a lot of boards out there are thriving because of how many people are there. We just need to get back into the game and pull people here. However, where we obtain these people might matter, because we don't to end up pulling in douches like those at Selkath.

I understand that people are busy these days, but it doesn't seem like they're rarely at their computer anymore. I know most of you are still dicking around with your computer. I don't know how we …

[ Full reading ]

Happy New Year OT! We may be dying... BUT WE'RE STILL HERE! We had an... interesting year last year. Vice Admin Burkman is taking a long earned vacation and Uly is stepping into his position. Well... I'd have more to say but I've got other things to do atm... and oh yeah... to quote Callin... "GET A MIC YA BUM!"

~Scott

Love those Failbook entries.

Rugsalesman wrote:

The Mortonator like this.

Not in Pic form but... Screw it.

Quote :: Loading...

Welcome!

You have joined the chat.

[Commander_Shepard] Wrex.
[Clan_URDNOT] Shepard.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] wtf wrex you have internet on tuchanga how the fuck
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] last time i was there you didnt even have plumbing i had to shit on the ground
[Clan_URDNOT] We're doing pretty well now that the clans are united.
[Clan_URDNOT] We just rebuilt the Wal*Mart and the Starbucks. Starbucks has free WiFi!
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] WTF
[~*Kasumi*~] Shep, can we stop at Illium some time soon?
[~*Kasumi*~] The new Naruto is out and I'd like to pick it up.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] fuck you and your animes you chink
[Jacob] Jack, stop being such a turd all the time.
[Jacob] It's not our fault a bad Cerberus cell touched your "red-light area."
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] jacob ur just antique farm equipment im surprised you can type
[Jacob] That comment is extremely racist and I'm reporting it to HR.
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] yeah right we dont have a human resources department unless you count miranda
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] since her dad made her to do shit for him shes technically a human resource
[AbUsEd_BiOtIc] and by that i mean a massive fucking tool
[guddamn_zaeed] I have to admit, that was pretty guddamn funny

User AbUsEd_BiOtIc has been banned (reason: being annoying again)

[Love_This_Rifle] NEVER SAW IT COMMIN'!
[Commander Shepard] Hey, Garrus, Tali's asleep in the engine room again.
[Commander Shepard] Wanna go fuck with the knobs on her suit like old times?
[Love_This_Rifle] Sorry, Shepard, but I'm kind of busy.
[Jacob] calibrating
[~*Kasumi*~] calibrating
[guddamn_zaeed] calibrating
[Not_an_undergrad] calibrating
[KChambers] calibrating
[Tube_Born] calibrating
[Thane] calibrating
[Love_This_Rifle] I hate you all.

User Legion has logged on.

[Legion] Shepard-Commander, we have come to consensus regarding your invitation for sexual intercourse.
[Legion] We are currently experiencing a headache.

User Legion has logged off.

[Jacob] DAYUM
[Love_This_Rifle] Ouch.
[~*Kasumi*~] Poor Shep!
[Not_an_undergrad] For the best. Intercourse with Geth not advisable.
[Not_an_undergrad] May contract a virus!
[guddamn_zaeed] I've never heard Mordin tell a guddamn joke before
[Miranda] Nice!

User TALI has logged on.
User Miranda has logged off. (reason: Off to wake up Tali again)

[TALI] GREETINGS, SHEPARD. I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ACCESS CODE TO THE NORMANDY'S CONTROL SYSTEM.
[TALI] PLEASE REPEAT IT.
[~*Kasumi*~] Sounds kind of suspicious, Shep.
[Not_an_undergrad] Not likely she'd forget a code she uses every day.
[Jacob] Don't do it, Commander.
[Commander Shepard] Shut up, I'm the commander on board. If I want to give Tali the code, I will.
[guddamn_zaeed] facepalm
[Commander Shepard] It's A-639-42118. Write that shit down.
[TALI] THANK YOU, SHEPARD.

User TALI has logged off.
User Tali_vas_Normandy has logged on.

[Tali_vas_Normandy] Commander, please inform Miranda that kicking crewmembers in the face is not an appropriate way to wake them.
[Commander Shepard] oh shit
[KChambers] fuck
[guddamn_zaeed] oh guddamn
[Jacob] what have you done
[EDI] Shepard, I've detected an irregularity in the ship's drive core sys-ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL
[Love_This_Rifle] Shepard, you're a fucking genius.

User EDI is now HARBINGER.

[HARBINGER] THIS HURTS YOU, SHEPARD
[Commander Shepard] Activate escape pods immed
User Commander_Shepard has logged off. reason: timeout error)
User Jacob has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Tali_vas_Normandy logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Love_This_Rifle has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User ~*Kasumi*~ has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User guddamn_zaeed has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Thane has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Tube_Born has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User Not_an_undergrad has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User KChambers has logged off. (reason: timeout error)

[Clan_URDNOT] Shepard?
[Daniel] HELP ME! MAKE IT STOP!

Haiti was hillarious. BTW, guess what I've been studying in History?

Rugsalesman wrote:

There's a PETA one but it borders on Porn so I can't post it Sad

Quote :: Cerberus Chat (TM) Client v. 3.80
Original code written by [NAME REDACTED]
All rights reserved.

Loading...

Welcome!

You have joined the chat.

[EDI] ...so I told him that he's had so many things in my server case, he should be paying me!
[Shepard_Commander] That was FUCKING terrible, EDI. I knew I'd regret having an AI on my ship.

User Hot_Redhead_69 has logged in.

[Shepard_Commander] Alright, who the hell is Hot_Redhead_69?
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Don't give him any access codes this time, Shep.
[Hot_Redhead_69] lol i'm not harbinger it's me kelly
[Scoped_and_Dropped] Are you fucking wasted or something?
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Oh, my.
[Hot_Redhead_69] yeah im pretty ddrunk xd
[Shepard_Commander] I'll take it!

User Shepard_Commander has logged off (reason: en route to red-haired heaven)

[Jacob] I've been trying to tap that shit for months. Fucking Commander.
[Miranda] I know how you feel, Jacob.
[Arid_Assassin] Siha?

User GRUNT has logged in.

[GRUNT] I'M STUCK IN THE AIRLOCK AND I NEED THE ACCESS CODE TO THE INTERIOR BULKHEAD DOOR
[GRUNT] HURRY, IT AUTO-CYCLES!
[*~`Kasumi`~*] We've heard this particular line of bullshit before.
[Scoped_and_Dropped] I'm just glad Shepard isn't here to fuck it up this time.
[jessie's_guy] You're guddamn right. That's the poorest impersonation of Grunt I've ever seen
[jessie's_guy] And I've seen Mordin AND EDI try to impersonate him
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] harby gtfo plz kthx
[GRUNT] I'M SERIOUS IT'S ABOUT TO DECOMPRESS
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] why dont you assume control of your dick and go fuck yourself

User Shepard_Commander has logged in.

[Jacob] That was quick.
[*~`Kasumi`~*] Fast worker, aren't we, Shep?
[Shepard_Commander] A lady doesn't kiss and tell.
[Dr_Chakwas] Commander, you aught to come down to the medical bay soon for...testing.
[Dr_Chakwas] I can't say any more as it will be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality.
[Scientist_Salarian] Shepard! Protection is advised even in same-gender encounters!
[Shepard_Commander] Whoops. Well, can the day get any worse?
[EDI] Yes, Shepard. I'm detecting what appears to be a dead krogan in the port-side airlock.
[Jacob] FUCK
[jessie's_guy] That's just guddamn terrible
[Miranda] I'll call The Illusive Man. Maybe we can bring him back.
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] fuck that lets bronze him and use him as a hood ornament
[jessie's_guy] That would be pretty guddamn badass
[Shepard_Commander] Well, I'm glad Okeer is dead.
[Shepard_Commander] Otherwise he'd be on his way to kick all our asses.

User GRUNT has logged off. (reason: timeout error)
User GRUNT has logged in.

[GRUNT] GREETINGS, SHEPARD. I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ACCESS CODE TO THE CARGO BAY DOORS.
[GRUNT] PLEASE REPEAT IT.
[Shepard_Commander] 429371. Why do you need to open the cargo bay doors?
[AbuSeD_bIoTiC] are you fucking retarded

User GRUNT has logged off.

[jessie's_guy] OH GUDDAMN
[Jacob] fuck not again
[Scoped_and_Dropped] For fuck's sake, Shepard, I spent all this time calibrating these guns, too!
[*~`Kasumi`~*] See you all on the SR4.

User Shepard_Commander has logged off. (reason: headed down to the cargo bay with the cain)

[Jacob] DAYUM
[Miranda] HOLKY FUCK
[Gardner] everyone head down to the cargo bay. i'm making up some popcorn for this

Quote :: Cerberus Chat (TM) Client v. 4.22
Original code written by [NAME REDACTED]
All rights reserved.

Loading...

Welcome!

You have joined the chat.

[Shep] Well, I didn't know his birthday was so soon.
[Miranda] How could you forget something like that? You're essentially his surrogate mother.
[Miranda] And you practically delivered him during his birth.
[Jacob] Well, Miranda, all she did was push a button on the tube.
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] yeah grunt didnt come out of her uterus duh
[AND DROPPED!] Miss Chambers has been sending out emails about it for weeks now.
[Shep] I marked Kelly's emails as spam, so they get deleted automatically.
[Jacob] That's cold, brother.

User K_Chambers has logged out. (reason: sending out resumes)

[Shep] Whoops, forgot she was logged in.
[Miranda] Do you know how hard it was to find "a bangin' redhead?"
[Shep] Did TIM really request "a bangin' redhead?"
[Jacob] Yup. Said it was "for the sake of youumanity."
[Shep] Wow. Anyway, what did you guys get Grunt for his birthday?
[guddamn_zaeed] Ever hear of a place called Pinnacle Station? It's a virtual combat training facility.
[guddamn_zaeed] Me and the boys are gonna take him out there with a keg and spend a week breaking all the high scores.
[Shep] Yeah, good luck with that.
[AND DROPPED!] ;)
[Quarian_Queen] For once, his squad might come back alive.
[*^~Kasumi~^*] I got him the original U.S. Constitution.
[guddamn_zaeed] WHAT
[Jacob] How'd you manage that?
[guddamn_zaeed] you have to find that on cBay or some online auction thing? how much did that set you back?
[*^~Kasumi~^*] Just a few weeks of my time, really. Ended up being more difficult to 'acquire' than I thought.
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] yo anime bitch thats nothin wait til you hear what i got him
[Shep] Another half-empty bottle of vodka, like you got me for my last birthday?
[AND DROPPED!] Ha ha, I remember that. That was hilarious. Never seen Jack get embarassed until that day.
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] stfu that wasnt my fault how was i supposed to know stupid shepard wanted two birthdays
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] i dont even know when my own birthday is you assholes i will destroy you
[Shep] TIM insisted that since he spent so much money on me that I should get two birthdays.

User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged in.
[Behind_Blue_Eyes] I saw that, Shepard.
[Behind_Blue_Eyes] That was NOT my idea; you just wouldn't shut up about it until I agreed with you.
User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged out. (reason: drink refill)

[Jacob] ha ha ha ha
[Miranda] A stellar showing as always, Commander.
[Shep] Shut up. And Jack, if you don't just fucking tell us what you got him, I'm coming down there to beat it out of you.
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] I JACKED HIM A SPACE STATION!!!11
[AND DROPPED!] what

User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged in.

[Behind_Blue_Eyes] That had better not be one of ours.
User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged out. (reason: brb out of smokes)

[AbUsED_BiOtIc] AND IM GOING TO LET HIM CRASH IT INTO A PLANET
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] !!!!11!!!
[Shep] Are you fucking serious?
[guddamn_zaeed] That's a pretty hardcore gift. 'ey, Garrus, what'd you get the tyke?
[AND DROPPED!] I had Kasumi swipe his favorite shotgun so I could tweak it.
[Jacob] calibrations
[Quarian_Queen] calibrations
[guddamn_zaeed] calibrations
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] calibrations
[Scientist_Salarian] calibrations
[Shep] calibrations
[AND DROPPED!] One of these days...
[Shep] What, you're going to get so mad that you'll shoot us? You'll miss because your gun wasn't fully calibrated!
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] hahahhahaahhhaha
[AND DROPPED!] Anyway, assholes, I increased his shotgun's magazine capacity.
[AND DROPPED!] And made it so it fires all sixty-five shells at once.
[Jacob] DAYUM
[guddamn_zaeed] A guddamn fine gift, that is.
[*^~Kasumi~^*] I put some Hello Kitty stickers on it before I put it back ;-}
[Miranda] Commander, did you find a last-minute gift?
[Shep] I take it you haven't been down to the sub-cargo floor yet, then.
[Shep] I got him...
[Shep] A THRESHER MAW. BOOYA.
[AND DROPPED!] What, like to keep as a pet? What do those things even eat? And isn't their poo acidic?
[Shep] I don't know what he's going to do with it. Not even sure that you CAN domesticate those things.

User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged in.
[Behind_Blue_Eyes] Calibrations.
User Behind_Blue_Eyes has logged out.
[Shep] lol

User SAMARRA has logged in.
[SAMARRA] GREETINGS SHEPARD
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] i just saw her blue ass in the pisser so i bet i know who this is
[AbUsED_BiOtIc] suck a bag of dicks harby
[Shep] Cain to the face not enough for you? And you spelled her name wrong.
[SAMARRA] I HAVE LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF THE NORMANDY AND REQUIRE YOU TO OPEN AN AIRLOCK SO I CAN GET IN
[Shep] Sure, sure. Gardner, get some popcorn on. EDI, give us a minute to put together a "welcoming party,"
[Shep] send Grunt to sub-cargo, and then open the sub-cargo portside airlock for "SAMARRA."
[SAMARRA] EXCELLENT SHEPARD I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU INSIDE
User SAMARRA has logged out.
[Shep] This is going to be the best birthday ever.

Last edited by Rugsalesman on Wed Apr 27, 2011 7:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

Sad Panda Posts : 2569 Join date : 2011-02-16 Age : 27

Get about fifteen seconds in and enjoy.

I lol'd

Rugsalesman wrote:

It was the accent. No idea where he got it. Probably waited a lot of money.

Rugsalesman wrote:

:lol!:

GD Member Posts : 11 Join date : 2011-04-19

I present to you the Off-Topics NSFW funny pic thread(without the pron) - Page 2 B5601b46b8609447adf8ab7168764994

....I win....deal with it.

Qpac wrote:: ....I win....deal with it.

Is fucking amazing.

Last edited by Rugsalesman on Wed Apr 27, 2011 7:51 pm; edited 1 time in total

Detective Posts : 3622 Join date : 2011-02-06 Age : 30

Rugsalesman wrote:

Dude, the repressed "geeks" of the world are the really dangerous ones.

OT Crime Lord Posts : 1766 Join date : 2011-01-30

Quote :: I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. I’d get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I’ve failed every damn test I’ve ever taken. I’m socially awkward, even my only other co-worker fucking hates my guts. I have repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she’s athletic, smart, and a gorgeous southern bell. I love her. You know what it’s like; I’ve been friend zoned real hard. She’s my only best friend, besides this one kid, who I’m pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged. I guess he’s the only one that can tolerate me. And what makes this all worse is that I live in a fucking pineapple under the sea.

» Things Scott and Grimeth find funny.
» ladies and Gentlemen I present you with Branch!
» Comment on the faces of OT thread that i can't comment in cause it is locked...(long thread title ain't it)
» thought this was funny
» Funny article about SWTOR