| Grapes. | |
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+8Boba Grimeth Daroska Scott Ban-Anad Burkman Callin Yeet 12 posters |
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Yeet WolfPack
Posts : 4069 Join date : 2011-02-02 Age : 94 Location : le tit
| Subject: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 2:41 am | |
| So, me and Ulyaoth were getting drinks at a titty bar, out of the corner of my eyes I noticed this Hispanic man, probably around his early thirties. He came up to us and started talking about his new invention, the Wonder Machine. Supposedly, this device could warp through the very fabrics of the space-time continuum, transporting us into new dimensions of our choice. Intrigued, me and Uly followed this man to his home to check out his device.
"I don't like the sound of this Wilbourn... What if... What if this man wants to sodomize us?! Uly don't like sodomization now!"
"Quiet down Uly, this is the chance of a lifetime!"
We proceeded into the man's home, filled with several works of Renaissance artwork and engineering. We entered this strange room that had the smell of taffy, and a bit of sodomy. It was the man's bedroom. Uly was visibly shaking, he whispered in my ear, "I told you Wilbs! How often is it a Hispanic man takes us into his bedroom to show us inventions! Not to mention it smells like a gay bar, and not one of those clean ones! Y'know, the ones with Neon lights and such..." I noticed a pair of woman's panties peaking out from underneath his sheets. "Oh shit..." I thought. The Hispanic man spoke up... "BEHOLD! THE WONDER MACHINE!" He threw back the sheets, revealing a magnificent and elegant form of machinery! It glistened within the room, pulsating with some type of radiant energy. It was made of... Made of...
Dildos.
"Go on! Give it a try!" Hispanic man said (We'll call him Chavo) "It can take your wildest dreams!"
Uly was astonished, "WILDEST DREAMS?! Maybe... I can go to a world, where everyone is GAW! And they all love me! How does it work Chavo?"
Chavo the Taco looked at Uly, then the machine, then back at Uly, then giving a sly nod to Uly's rectum. "Put it in." Said Chavo the Burrito.
"Wait... You... You want me to put the machine in... My...???"
"YOU'RE ASS SON, PUT IT IN YOUR ASS."
I stepped in, "Ulyaoth, let's get the fuck out of here, this perv has clearly lost his goddamn mind."
"I must do this Wilbourn. I must face my destiny."
"ULY, goddammit, I'm coming with you. If we're to face this hell, we face it together."
Me and Uly shared a tender bro hug. In the corner of my eye I could've sworn I saw Chavo the soccer player fapping. But we'll skip that.
And I'll also skip the process in getting the machine to work.
It was time to transport ourselves into the other dimension. It seemed like the particles of our bodies dissolved and were being reanimated into our own forms, but in a different place. When me and Uly regained consciousness, we seemed to be in a place that resembled Terokkar Forest. A forest in the Outlands in WoW.
"Ughh... Uly wake the fuck up... Where are we? What happened to Pedro?"
"I thought we said his name was Chavo?"
"Whatever, are we... Are we in WoW?! What the hell?!"
"Does this mean I get to finally bang a night elf woman? After all those years of searching for Night Elf porn my dreams have finally come true!"
"Focus Uly, we need to get out of here."
Me and Uly trekked off into the wilderness in search of help... Until we heard this blistering roar...
"PUSSY MOTHERFUCKERRRRRSS!!!!!!! FUUUCCKKKINNGGG FUCK YOU PUSSY MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I'LL RIP YOUR BOWELS OUT!!!"
Ulyaoth spoke up, "I know that voice all to well..."
In the distance, an orc appeared, killing countless numbers of civilians in his path.
"MOTHER. FUCKERS."
I tried to call to him, "Burkman! Burkman it's me! Wilbourn! Uly is here too!"
Burkman seemed calmed, "AHH MY PUSSY MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDS. HOW GREAT TO FIND YOU IN THIS REALM. I AM ORC BURKMAN. THE FUCKING BURKMAN YOU KNOW, JUST IN MOTHERFUCKING ORC FORM!"
Disclaimer: No innocent fucking civilians were harmed by Burkman
I described our situation to orc Burkman, who described it as "FUCKING STUPID".
And so the three of us were off! We traveled many miles across the Outlands, soon, we spotted a dead night elf woman across the roads. Uly's eyes were glistening red, his eyes bulging.
"MY... PRECIOUS..." He said.
"ULY NO!!!"
Uly attempted to pounce on the corpse, but we underwent another time rift!
I was the first to awaken, Burkman and Uly still knocked out (up). We were still in a forest. But a much different one... I heard rustling from the bushes nearby...
"WHO GOES THERE?" I said hoping to sound intimidating. But my voice cracked during it. So...
A wild figure jumped from the bushes. An elf, armed with a bow and arrow. He said one word to me. "No."
I thought to myself, "This man seems familiar." Could it be...
"Excuse me, kind elf, but are you--"
"No."
"Err... Are you---"
"No."
"Uhm..."
"..."
"Are---"
"No."
"GODDAMIT."
So me, Uly, Burkman, and Causa set off! Roaming the forest which oddly resembled one off Lord of the Rings. We were exhausted. Soon we came across a cave we decided to take shelter in.
"SO, WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE FUCK? HOW THE FUCK DID WE EVEN FUCKING TELEPORT HERE? I FUCKING SWEAR IF I FIND THE FUCK THAT DID THIS TO US I'LL DISEMBOWEL HIM WITH MY COCK." Burkman politely stated.
We heard a distant scratching noise.
Ulyaoth, shaking and pissing his pants said, "We gotta get outta here!"
Just then a sweet looking panda appeared. "I love PC gaming! Mods are the best!"
All of us (Excluding Causa) knew who this was. "Grimeth". We all said in unison.
Except Causa. He said "No."
But wait! Another time rift! Shit!
Whoooooooshhhhhhhh!!!
We awoke in some type of cantina, we were in Tatooine!
Grimeth spoke up, "You know, I really hope this isn't like TOR. TOR sucked, Bioware really flopped on that, just like they flopped on the ending to ME3. TOR sucks."
I thought to myself, "I wonder if anyone is even fucking reading this thing? Have they realized I'm going further and further away from the main plot every time we go from one place to the next? I wonder if I should include Jetbounty in this story... Nahh...
TO BE CONTINUED.
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:14 am | |
| I find the lack of G rape disturbing.
Oh and. Cool Story Brochacho! | |
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Burkman Perfect Stranger
Posts : 6437 Join date : 2011-02-23 Age : 80 Location : The Moon
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:50 am | |
| I rape a bunch of folks in the next part. | |
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Ban-Anad BananaGod
Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:57 am | |
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Burkman Perfect Stranger
Posts : 6437 Join date : 2011-02-23 Age : 80 Location : The Moon
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:59 am | |
| Oh, please. Are you going to tell me that isn't even amusing? I thought it was. Even if it was stupid. | |
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Ban-Anad BananaGod
Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 7:03 am | |
| - Burkman wrote:
- Oh, please. Are you going to tell me that isn't even amusing? I thought it was. Even if it was stupid.
It was amusing... In the weird kind of way... | |
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Scott Warlord
Posts : 11279 Join date : 2011-01-26 Age : 35 Location : Burkman's attic... drilling...
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:11 am | |
| I'll have Wilbourn read it to me sometime over xbx...
AKA: TL;DR | |
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 8:14 am | |
| - Scott wrote:
- I'll have Wilbourn read it to me sometime over xbx...
AKA: TL;DR nah read it. i cant wait for chapter 2 | |
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Scott Warlord
Posts : 11279 Join date : 2011-01-26 Age : 35 Location : Burkman's attic... drilling...
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 10:13 am | |
| - Callin wrote:
- Scott wrote:
- I'll have Wilbourn read it to me sometime over xbx...
AKA: TL;DR nah read it. i cant wait for chapter 2 But it's so much better when he narrates... | |
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
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Daroska God of Cookies
Posts : 2377 Join date : 2011-04-19 Age : 1011 Location : Ghetto
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:15 pm | |
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Ban-Anad BananaGod
Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:20 pm | |
| - Daroska wrote:
Oh, just wait till you see the launch and ignition mechanism... | |
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Daroska God of Cookies
Posts : 2377 Join date : 2011-04-19 Age : 1011 Location : Ghetto
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
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Scott Warlord
Posts : 11279 Join date : 2011-01-26 Age : 35 Location : Burkman's attic... drilling...
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Grimeth Sad Panda
Posts : 2569 Join date : 2011-02-16 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:12 pm | |
| Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* | |
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:15 pm | |
| - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* | |
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Ban-Anad BananaGod
Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:28 pm | |
| - Callin wrote:
- DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* - DinosaurGrimeth wrote:
- Since when am I obsessed with PC gaming?!
But TOR did suck... *nods* Wat? | |
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Callin I have a title
Posts : 2800 Join date : 2011-12-02 Age : 42 Location : Over there Monkey Fisting
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:31 pm | |
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Grimeth Sad Panda
Posts : 2569 Join date : 2011-02-16 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:39 pm | |
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Ban-Anad BananaGod
Posts : 6603 Join date : 2011-02-12 Age : 32
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 5:28 pm | |
| - Callin wrote:
- Exactly
I see... | |
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Burkman Perfect Stranger
Posts : 6437 Join date : 2011-02-23 Age : 80 Location : The Moon
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 5:45 pm | |
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Boba Talz
Posts : 3160 Join date : 2011-04-22 Location : New Hampshire.
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:48 pm | |
| - The Joker wrote:
+1 | |
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Yeet WolfPack
Posts : 4069 Join date : 2011-02-02 Age : 94 Location : le tit
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:52 pm | |
| - Bobabounty wrote:
- The Joker wrote:
+1 +2 | |
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Boba Talz
Posts : 3160 Join date : 2011-04-22 Location : New Hampshire.
| Subject: Re: Grapes. Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:57 pm | |
| - Wilby-san wrote:
- Bobabounty wrote:
- The Joker wrote:
+1 +2 +3 | |
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