OT Office

Scott - CEO/President (drunk and avoids work)

Burkman - VP (evil dictator that truly runs the company because the CEO is too lazy to)

Branch - Secretary (constantly hit on by drunk CEO thinking he's a she)

Ban - Human Relations (nut case that believes anyone saner than him is employee material)

Daroska - International Investor Relations (we don't have many foreign investors... not after that incident at Jurassic Park)

Yoclema - Media Relations (our outward appearance)

Grim - Domestic Investor Relations (force feeds bamboo to domestic investors)

Wilbourn - Security (*lick* *flips page* I'm on break)

Meat - Head of Sales (no one is more convincing than the glob of cow sitting before you)

Uly - Janitor (constantly found cleaning woman's bathroom)

Jet - That hobo on the street outside the main office. (is paid so we look more sucessful in comparison to passerby's)

Causa - Office Manager (/flamethrowerandmuffledwords "Can I have a promotion?" "NO!")

Shadie - Kinky sex slave in back room for office breaks. (/SPANK)

Callin - Tech Support (click on that one whatchamacalit box thingy... now pour a little "oregano" inside the casing... smells funny right?!)

Soup - The poop in stall three that the janitor refuses to clean. (blurb blurb blurb)

Boba - Client and Employee Investigator (COMMUNISTS IN THE OFFICE! CLOTHES OFF NAO!)

Colla - Underpaid and resentful employee. (wtf why am I the employee?)

Mort - Underpaid and resentful employee's friend who convinces Colla to set workplace on fire. (you know what would be funny...)

PJ - Head of office supply. (his truck goes home 2 tons heavier every night)

The Mortonator wrote:

I can't believe you wouldn't hire me and kept Phil!

In Daroska's defense... he is rather charismatic.

(Scott, I'm gonna assume you meant Public Relations cause I hate doing employment interviews)

Hey there! Ban-Anad D'ealari here!
You know, I've often been asked how I stay on top of being the maddest mad PR rep out there. Do I do any particular exercise? Do I do market research? Do I do flowcharts on how to stay mad? Wait? Flowcharts? I hate flowcharts! From now on, I don't want to see another flowchart flowing around this department! Is that clear? Flowcharts... Look at them... All posh and sophisticated with their arrows and signs and 'if that- go here'... Know what I think? I think- Burn 'em! Who needs flowcharts anyways?
Where was I?
Ah, yes! How do I stay at the bleeding edge of madness? EASY! But I'm not gonna tell you! Hell, if I started to tell my secret to random people... Well... It wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it? And don't give me that "I promise, I won't tell anyone" crap! Of course you'll tell! What do you think that water cooler's there for? I'll tell you what it's not- It's not there for you to not gossip and give out important secrets! Yes! Give us your secrets! We want them! We need them! The OT is built on secrets! Why... Just yesterday I learned that... WHAT? What do you mean we're out of tape? It's all digital you blistering monkey! No, not you! The other monkey! Gods, I swear- whoever had the idea to hire monkeys as general staff... Oh wait, that was me... Nevermind...

The Joker wrote:

(Scott, I'm gonna assume you meant Public Relations cause I hate doing employment interviews)

Hey there! Ban-Anad D'ealari here!
You know, I've often been asked how I stay on top of being the maddest mad PR rep out there. Do I do any particular exercise? Do I do market research? Do I do flowcharts on how to stay mad? Wait? Flowcharts? I hate flowcharts! From now on, I don't want to see another flowchart flowing around this department! Is that clear? Flowcharts... Look at them... All posh and sophisticated with their arrows and signs and 'if that- go here'... Know what I think? I think- Burn 'em! Who needs flowcharts anyways?
Where was I?
Ah, yes! How do I stay at the bleeding edge of madness? EASY! But I'm not gonna tell you! Hell, if I started to tell my secret to random people... Well... It wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it? And don't give me that "I promise, I won't tell anyone" crap! Of course you'll tell! What do you think that water cooler's there for? I'll tell you what it's not- It's not there for you to not gossip and give out important secrets! Yes! Give us your secrets! We want them! We need them! The OT is built on secrets! Why... Just yesterday I learned that... WHAT? What do you mean we're out of tape? It's all digital you blistering monkey! No, not you! The other monkey! Gods, I swear- whoever had the idea to hire monkeys as general staff... Oh wait, that was me... Nevermind...

Sir please. You're gonna have to make an appointment. Now excuse me, you're holding up the line.

Hey, I hope you burn in hell too.

Callin wrote:

Branch thats for a Floppy DISK. Now get your dick outta there.

>.>

<.<

The Joker wrote:

(Scott, I'm gonna assume you meant Public Relations cause I hate doing employment interviews)

Hey there! Ban-Anad D'ealari here!
You know, I've often been asked how I stay on top of being the maddest mad PR rep out there. Do I do any particular exercise? Do I do market research? Do I do flowcharts on how to stay mad? Wait? Flowcharts? I hate flowcharts! From now on, I don't want to see another flowchart flowing around this department! Is that clear? Flowcharts... Look at them... All posh and sophisticated with their arrows and signs and 'if that- go here'... Know what I think? I think- Burn 'em! Who needs flowcharts anyways?
Where was I?
Ah, yes! How do I stay at the bleeding edge of madness? EASY! But I'm not gonna tell you! Hell, if I started to tell my secret to random people... Well... It wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it? And don't give me that "I promise, I won't tell anyone" crap! Of course you'll tell! What do you think that water cooler's there for? I'll tell you what it's not- It's not there for you to not gossip and give out important secrets! Yes! Give us your secrets! We want them! We need them! The OT is built on secrets! Why... Just yesterday I learned that... WHAT? What do you mean we're out of tape? It's all digital you blistering monkey! No, not you! The other monkey! Gods, I swear- whoever had the idea to hire monkeys as general staff... Oh wait, that was me... Nevermind...

Nope... yer HR... :D

Ulyaoth wrote:

Hey, I hope you burn in hell too.

Oh c'mon... like you wouldn't enjoy it. >.>

Scott wrote:

Oh c'mon... like you wouldn't enjoy it. >.>

You be the janitor and tell me how much fun it is...

Ulyaoth wrote:

Scott wrote:

Oh c'mon... like you wouldn't enjoy it. >.>

You be the janitor and tell me how much fun it is...

It's funny cause I remember you saying you'd rather be a janitor than work at Kohl's

Scott wrote:

It's funny cause I remember you saying you'd rather be a janitor than work at Kohl's

Not for you guys when you arbitrarily gave me this position and have 15 year olds sitting in offices jacking off all day. I'll burn the place down and commit suicide...

Ulyaoth wrote:

Scott wrote:

It's funny cause I remember you saying you'd rather be a janitor than work at Kohl's

Not for you guys when you arbitrarily gave me this position and have 15 year olds sitting in offices jacking off all day. I'll burn the place down and commit suicide...

And you would do any different?!

I hate my job, you sons of bitches..

Scott wrote:

The Joker wrote:

(Scott, I'm gonna assume you meant Public Relations cause I hate doing employment interviews)

Hey there! Ban-Anad D'ealari here!
You know, I've often been asked how I stay on top of being the maddest mad PR rep out there. Do I do any particular exercise? Do I do market research? Do I do flowcharts on how to stay mad? Wait? Flowcharts? I hate flowcharts! From now on, I don't want to see another flowchart flowing around this department! Is that clear? Flowcharts... Look at them... All posh and sophisticated with their arrows and signs and 'if that- go here'... Know what I think? I think- Burn 'em! Who needs flowcharts anyways?
Where was I?
Ah, yes! How do I stay at the bleeding edge of madness? EASY! But I'm not gonna tell you! Hell, if I started to tell my secret to random people... Well... It wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it? And don't give me that "I promise, I won't tell anyone" crap! Of course you'll tell! What do you think that water cooler's there for? I'll tell you what it's not- It's not there for you to not gossip and give out important secrets! Yes! Give us your secrets! We want them! We need them! The OT is built on secrets! Why... Just yesterday I learned that... WHAT? What do you mean we're out of tape? It's all digital you blistering monkey! No, not you! The other monkey! Gods, I swear- whoever had the idea to hire monkeys as general staff... Oh wait, that was me... Nevermind...

Nope... yer HR... :D

Okay

I love my job so much! although the foreign investors aren't much of a lively bunch.



I come in every month or so to check in on how they're doing, don't seem very interested though.
Funny thing is though, that their families keep sending us money! supposedly they're frightened.
Firstly they say because of Old Burkie's soylent green fiasco, then due to my science experiment.

Who'd knew that telling a load of people that they were in the past, but were actually in my
cretaceous replica national park would make them think they'd be ok in their 'Terra Nova'.
There are only so many cheesey episodes one can go through before you get eaten by dinos..

At any rate, I should get that eunuch smooth skin, Uly, to go clean up the foreign affairs table.
Hmmm.. I'll need to email CEO Scott first.. I'm not sure whether we still pay him in blow up dolls..

Ok... Since I'm the HR...

Hi there! Ban-Anad here! Human Resources at the OT Limited Corporation Company!

Here at the OT, we often get mixed looks from investors when they learn that we've replaced all our general staff with brain-washed, mind-controlled monkeys imported from Mozambique. There is a reason for this madness however. See, I'm a great supporter of the maxim "Give a thousand monkeys with typewriters enough time and they'll sooner or later come up with a play by Shakespeare". Well, I've never been much of a fan of Shakespeare, but the maxim really tickles my funny bone! And with good reason! Using mind-controlled monkeys to do our dirty work is perhaps the biggest stroke of genius I've ever had! They don't require much in the way of pay or benefits- just throw them a banana or two every once in a while and they'll be happy! They also excel at manual labor! Why... The minute you find me a bloke fresh out of college that can lift 10 times his own weight with just one hand while hanging from the AC unit in the lobby, I'm scrapping this and handing my resignation! What? It appears the monkey holding the recorder has begun humping the geranium in my office, which means it's probably my queue.
Ban-Anad, we're done here!

No.

Blow-up-dolls? Naw... he only went for that the first month... since then I've been giving him GAW's new phone numbers when she keeps changing her number.