The Animal In Yer

Iz got de Bat result

This is a decidedly nonconformist creature, for as an airborne personality, the bat tends to look down at the conventions of the ground animals. And yet, since it is not a true bird and has not mastered the art of smooth controlled flight, it often appears awkward in social situations (hence the phrase "acting batty"). But as compensation for this social ungainliness, many bat personalities sport a built-in radar which enables them to intuitively read the motivations of others.

Identifying bat personalities is not difficult. Being nocturnal creatures, they come alive at night and can be spotted in underground clubs or dimly lit bars. They prefer the sanctuary of dark clothing and dark corners, and you'll never see a bat sporting a heavy tan. These are intelligent, spiritual, creative individuals who use their full range of senses (other than their poor eyesight) to carefully navigate their way through life.

Bats have a habit of flitting in and out of social situations, swooping down to interact briefly with others before quickly flying off to resume their bat lives. Unassertive and aloof, they'll take flight at the first hint of a confrontation to seek comfort in their personal spaces, generally decorated in unusual but expressive ways.

A sixth sense gives bats a number of advantages in their work, and their insightful nature enables them to understand others better than they understand themselves. This intuitiveness makes bats excellent psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and palm readers. They respond poorly to direction however, and function best as a sole practitioners in their own business. Preferring to work at night and sleep by day, a bat's job must be flexible enough to accommodate these unusual hours. A creative streak often finds them in the design and architectural fields, and their unique relationship with dark caves makes you a natural archeologist or spelunker.

Although the bat's spiritual side is always on display, they are not overly emotional. Because of their unusual and sometimes awkward approach to life they can sometimes have difficulty finding companions. However, bats respond well to anyone who shares their philosophical perspective, and they love spending long hours in deep conversation. Once they have successfully located a partner, bats prove to be both dependable and committed companions.

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Porcupine

Genus and species:
Hystrix cristata

Collective Term:
A prickle of porcupines

Careers and Hobbies
Collections agent
Bureaucrat
Administrator
Politician
Reading
Painting
Movies
Gossip
Photography

Famous Porcupines
Don Rickles
Joan Rivers
Bobcat Goldthwaite


Porcupines are physically small individuals with an over-abundance of attitude. Probably due to their lack of self-esteem, they have a tendency to seek comfort by putting others down and wit, sarcasm and ridicule are the primary weapons of its oftentimes disagreeable personality. Its reputation as a backstabber is somewhat undeserved, although it has no problem with gossiping about friends and foe alike.

In defense of the porcupine's actions, its barbs are not designed to cause permanent harm. Instead, they're intended as a preemptive attack to protect its own sensitive feelings, and if anyone is wounded by its thorny words the porcupine is quick to come to its victim's aid.

Like other rodent personalities, porcupines are opportunists and are resourceful and creative in their endeavors. Adept at taking advantage of others' mistakes, they are the first to jump on the bandwagon when an opportunity arises.

With their consciously minimalist lifestyle, porcupines' financial needs are limited to the bare essentials of living and their homes are unadorned but functional.

Unambiguous loners, porcupines prefer jobs that reward individual effort and avoid manual labor or work that demands mental concentration. However, if it's lucky enough to find a job that requires a biting tongue, it performs above the call of duty.

The porcupine displays the characteristically sharp mind and opportunistic lifestyle of the rodent personalities, but unable to function successfully in social situations it is limited in its career choices. Of course, a job like postal worker, DMV employee, and IRS agent, matches its prickly personality perfectly.

Rhinoceros

Genus and species:
Diceros bicornis

Collective Term:
A crash of rhinos

Careers and Hobbies
Policeman
Soldier
Pro-sportsman
Actor
Golf
Gambling
Football
Boxing

Famous Rhinos
OJ Simpson
Mike Tyson
Marge Schott
George Washington



Brawny and self-assured, these cantankerous beasts allow nothing to stand in their way. Unaccountably mistrustful of strangers, rhino personalities perceive themselves to be gentle and reasonable, but even they acknowledge that their periodic bouts of rage need to be brought under control. O.J. Simpson and Mike Tyson are typical rhinos. Admired by friends for their physical strength and loyalty, their inability to confront their demons inhibits their personal growth and alienates their public. So while rhinos are capable of immense passion, the combination of their insecurity and ardor has the potential to become a steamy romance, a masterful creative expression or a terrible explosion of temper.

With such a cantankerous personality the rhino's unpopularity is hardly surprising, and its bullying reputation is carefully cultivated to ensure the solitude it craves. Rhinos prefer staying close to home and never go looking for trouble, but can prove to be a dangerous creature with an uncontrollable temper. With their formidable bulk and tightly wound natures, even the most aggressive carnivore personalities give them a wide berth. When not engaged in physical activities, they prefer spending quiet time with their families or taking long walks with close friends.

Rhinos are proud of their girth and spend a great deal of time bulking up, either in the gym or grazing happily at their favorite restaurant. They have none of the subtlety or intelligence of their elephant colleagues, but do have a gift for smooth talk. Persuasive when making a point, they spice their conversation with curses and colorful language and have little interest in the finer thing in life. For all their faults, however, they have a uniquely engaging charm and their determination and grit engenders grudging respect from their colleagues.

Surprisingly delicate in bed, rhinos are skillful lovers. Although their tastes lean towards traditional physical pleasures, they occasionally love to express themselves in ways that will startle even the most jaded partner. The rhino yearns for a long-term mate who will put up with its aggressive behavior, but its inability to engage in intimacy makes it hard to find a willing partner. So it is reduced to settling for shallow and trifling relationships, and these inadequate encounters make the rhino even more cynical about relationships -- leading to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Getting to know a rhino can be an exhausting business, for it tends to rely on wordless forms of communication that must then be carefully interpreted. But rhinos will let you know in no uncertain terms when you have crossed the line. They do not suffer fools gladly and often hurt the ones they love.